I'm boring to the majority,
Interesting to the few.
I'm extremely bad at poetry,
As you can see, can't you?

To begin a chapter devoted to literature with four lines of such excruciating verse, may lead one to believe that the author does not care too much for the written word. On the contrary, I do. I very much do. I love literature with so comfortable a love, that I can publish those dreadful lines without shame, embarassment, or resentment; much like a person who truly loves someone will not feel any of those emotions, and especially not hatred, when their loved one wakes up dishevelled, not able to utter a complete sentence, and then proceeds to walk straight out of the front door with you at their heels, and receives derrogatory comments from a jealous nobody.

My literature of choice is mainly fiction, although I can be known to trawl greedily through the odd instruction manual or video game booklet (although the playing of video games all but disappeared a while ago. Except for the wonderful X-Moto, of course). Works of non-fiction, such as philosophical, psychological and biological texts, haven't escaped my attention, although I cannot claim any of these as works I love, since I don't think I've managed to finish one, and one cannot love something one hasn't finished. Also, poetry, I have recently discovered. Although I also cannot claim any poems as deep loves of mine, for I am only in the first stages, and don't understand or appreciate much that isn't obvious from a single glance. Throughout this chapter, I intend to present some of my very favourite of these works of literature. They will inevitably, I fear, be works of fiction, and if you have no interest in such things - literature in general, or specifically fiction - feel free to abstain for a while, until the Eighth ends and the Ninth begins. Then come hurrying back! I've got to eat, you know.

Word of the Week

Literature

literature n. 1 written works, esp. those whose value lies in the beauty of language or in emotional effect. 2 the realm of letters. 3 the writings of a country or period. 4 literary production. 5 colloq. printed matter, leaflets, etc. 6 the material in print on a particular subject (there is a considerable literature on geraniums).

Definition courtesy of the Concise Oxford Dictionary

Just one quick thought while we're on the subject of words. Why is there not a proper definition of the word 'poo' (or 'pooh' or 'poop') in my Concise Oxford Dictionary? We know what it is: the stuff that the useless part of our food turns into and which we must eject from ourselves, which the book fairly describes as 'excrement'. However, nowhere does it explain how or through where we are to do this ejecting. The verbal definition of 'poop' in this book is, 'v.tr. 1 (of a wave) break over the stern of (a ship). 2 (of a ship) receive (a wave) over the stern.' A word of warning to the parents of any aspiring young children: Don't let the youngsters get their hands on a copy of your Concise Oxford Dictionary. They will learn nothing whatsoever, and when it comes to potty-training, the poor infants might be very confused to discover that toilets don't look at all like ships, even more that you cannot sail a toilet on the ocean waves.